Have you ever heard the Tragedy of Darth Snooze The Virgin? I thought not. It’s not a story the Chads would tell you. It’s a virgin legend. Darth Snooze was a dark lord virgin so powerful and so wise, he could use his mind alone to cum. “Look ma, no hands!” as it were. You see the dark side of virginity is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power. Unfortunately, to maintain such ability he had to remain single for years on end, never knowing the touch of another. Ironic. He could make himself cum, but never found someone who made him cum.

Alright renditions that probably went on too long aside, ladies and gentlemen I’m back with another huge scientific discovery. About a month ago I saw a greentext on 4chan where a man was bragging about his latest sexual addition in his aresenal: learning to cum with nothing but his mind. He claimed it was a bangin’ experience that was more intense than regular fapping, and I claimed that it was complete bullshit. Time passed. After I had long forgotten about that story I found myself in a state of questionable horniness. “Horny Evolved'' I'd say. And suddenly the memory came back to me. As a half-joke I decided to try fapping mentally. At first it was damn near useless. However, I did sense that some sort of control was possible. I kept trying, and after about a solid 20 minutes or so, I followed in the footsteps of some neckbeard on 4chan and came without anything ever touching my dick. I had achieved galactic enlightenment.

Yes Senku. I'm sure even you are dumbfounded by my research.

Let’s cover two things and then I’ll wrap this up: what was it like and what would a guy (or girl? This is a new field of science okay I’m not sure what’s possible) have to do in order to replicate it? Well I will say it’s kind of a weird feeling. Once you get the hang of it, it sort of feels like you’re in control of how hard your dick is, and how good it feels. It was kinda scary cause I thought “damn if I gain complete control over my dick, can’t I just make myself feel good whenever? Will I become addicted? Humans aren’t supposed to be able to have such power over their bodies should they?” After my little freakout though I can rest assured, eh it’s not that crazy. I still fap regularly and I haven’t really increased the frequency since discovering the mental fap. Which is a good thing in my eyes so aye glad it didn’t become a crippling addiction. Do I recommend it based on the feeling? It depends, if you’re older or have a partner then probably not. It takes a bit to get the hang of it (at least in my case) and while noticeably stronger than a regular fap, I don’t know how it compares to real sex. It may be whatever for the non-virgins. On the other hand if you’re a virgin until further notice like myself, and god damn who knows when that future notice is coming along, then I do recommend it. It’s a new experience and a great way to mix up masturbation when the ole right hand ain’t as exciting as it used to be. 

Now for those who want to try, how could you? Essentially I had to sit there watching some classic banger porn videos to get warmed up, and then while continuing to watch I focused on my dick area with my mind. JAVs worked great for this because those videos are fucking movie length or longer every damn time. Anyway, you sort of focus on your dick area in the same way that you can focus on your lungs/stomach to stop hiccups. After a bit of focusing you should be able to have some slight control, although the control I’m talking about is hard to define exactly. LIsten this isn’t an exact science, I’m sure there are people out there more equipped to give the whole process, but you can try my method as a starting point and see if it gets you anywhere. It was sort of like, as soon as it started working a little bit I was able to figure the rest out myself without tactics or strategies so it's hard to translate into words.

I only pray my virgin science never goes too far.

Hopefully you were able to glean something from all that, or at the very least decide for yourself if you’ll seek out more information or if this idea is a pass. I have to say in terms of spicing up my fapping, this has to be my greatest achievement yet. And in some ways, I suppose also my most pathetic. But hey, ya have to spend dignity to gain dignity ya know what I mean? Are you interested in fapping with just your mind? Have you done it before, or known someone who has? Zip up your pants, tuck your hands in your pockets, and cum anyway using your galaxy brain in the comments below!