Okay listen, maybe this whole sleeping pun title wasn’t worth it for the series. We’re all hip with the kids, right? We all know sleeping on something means ignoring it, not actually sleeping on it. Good? Good. With that out of the way, I’m here today to talk about why I don’t care one bit about big dicks in doujins.  

Now some of you may be ready with the counterargument locked and loaded. Last time I talked about how I love futanari. Many of you pointed out that futanari is pretty epic, but oftentimes the girls have these raging 20 inch cocks that prevent you from enjoying the genre. And to that I say… you guys are right. Listen, I love futanari, but my favorites list is actually pretty small. I’m particular as fuck about my doujins all the way from dialouge to artstyle to the content being presented. There are plenty of times where even if the doujin has futanaris, if the dicks are skyscrapers in their pants then I head out. Which leads me into my first big problem with big dicks.

That's not a dick, that's a pool noodle.

As a straight male, they’re just not that appealing visually. I don’t know if I’ve ever in my life seen a dick and thought “my day has just been enhanced”. Anytime I see one, whether it be drawn in a doujin or a real life one thanks to a porn ad somewhere, it either detracts from my day or doesn’t affect it at all. There’s simply no attraction, and it gets worse the more detailed a dick is. Let’s say I’m reading a doujin with a guy (already a pretty rare occurrence for me). I may tolerate it and keep rolling if it’s just a regular dick. However, when you have those BIG DICKS in my face, you know they gotta add those damn details. Veins popping out of the side. Precum dripping out of the tip. Balls quivering in anticipation. Sometimes the stench lines to let you know that big dick is WRETCHED. That’s when I have to tap out. Mercy rule. Let me find another doujin. At that point my straightness takes over and I have to abandon the mission. We’ll get em next time. 

The main defense I see for big dicks (from guys anyway) is that they allow you to insert yourself in the character with the big dick and feel like it’s yours in a way. I must say, I can’t fucking relate. I don’t think I’ve ever inserted myself into a person’s role in porn ever. I get off on the fact that the sex is happening, not that I’m involved. Would I like to be involved? Of course. But when I try to imagine myself in the doujin, I feel like the biggest loser on the planet. It’s no secret that I don’t have a monster dong so when a girl’s dialogue is like “OMG Snooze-kun, your dick is the biggest ever! It’s like half my arm!!” I’m like no it isn’t. It’s not. That’s a blatant lie. It’s a respectable size and that’s about it. I’ve tried to just go along with the dialogue anyway but it’s like I’m playing pretend and that loses its charm pretty quickly. Before too long I realize I’m a loser virgin reading a doujin where I watch some guy fuck the shit out of a girl with his garden hose dick and realize I really don’t want to see his success. His big dick acts as a deterrence from me being able to insert myself into the story rather than an attraction. 

You think I could self-insert into that shit?

As always no hate to anyone who enjoys this kink. Interestingly enough, I’ve heard that a lot of girls don’t really like dicks either. The guy’s hands, face, abs, thighs, all that shit can be a big turn on and the dick be left in the dust for some girls. I wonder if that holds true or if that’s a lie they say in Christian school. Do you enjoy big dicks? What do you like or hate about them? Wake up and leave a comment below!