Behold ladies and gentlemen, for it is the current year. In these modern times, relationships remain of importance (something to do with the survival of the human race I think). Courting relationships however is becoming ever more difficult as companies are very keen on profiting from the dating game at every corner. On the somewhat bright side, the rise of texting has emerged as a double-edged sword in the dating world. On one hand it sucks massive dick because you can barely tell what someone is truly thinking through texting and you miss out on so many cues like body language, voice tone, etc. that help you to decipher what someone’s really feeling. However, at the same time texting gives you time to type out exactly what you want to say and not stumble over your words or feel pressured to give an answer super fast without thinking over your reply for a while. And how much thinking do you do?

Kaguya-sama is back on the air and let me say it sure is nice to be reminded that anime can actually be funny. If you enjoy comedies and haven’t picked it up yet, there’s no time like the present. Anyway, in the first episode returning back Kaguya makes a LINE account and explores the world of messaging. Antics ensue as she tries to text without knowing about those dangerous little things called “read receipts”. While the show clearly over-exaggerates the process, the mind games displayed did remind me a lot of how texting a girl in high school would go. You had to consider how long her message was, when she sent her message, when she sent it in regards to how long it was when you sent your last message, and of course once you formulated your reply it was customary to let The Boys review it to give criticism and feedback. As you get older all that shit starts to fade away and you just text back and say what you want, when you want like a normal person. However, there is one rule of texting I still follow to this day: text back at the speed of which the other person does.

You're lucky that you're a cute anime girl and won't ever have to know, Kaguya.

For example, if I’ve newly acquired the phone number of someone I’m crushing on, or hell even just a new pal that I want to get to know, I’ll soon mimic both the time and style of texting they use. You seem to reply to me minutes after I send you a message? Shit I’ll do my best to stay on top of my game and do the same. You need a few hours after reading a message to respond? Ay I get it I’m a busy guy myself I’ll only text when I get a chance once in a while. Apart from timing I’m copying other shit too. Oh you use emojis all the time? Then certainly you won’t mind if I partake. Damn you use proper punctuation at every turn and don’t know what “lol” stands for? No promises but I’ll be double spell-checking everything I send to the best of my ability. So far this strategy has served me pretty well… uh, well in the rare once a year occasion that I meet someone new and start texting them regularly…okay maybe once every few years…fuck. Well this article made me depressed.

My face when I call the number she gave me and Papa John's picks up.

Point is, everyone has their own do’s and don’ts while texting and I think Kaguya-sama did a great job of recapturing all that dumb magic of worrying whether putting a period at the end of your sentence would come off as “too aggressive” in high school. Alas such worries are no longer needed at my age as peers are more concerned about the rapid inflation and horrible housing market than how to optimize their texting practices and good on them I say. Are you watching Kaguya-sama’s new season? Do you try to text in a certain way with people you are interested in, for friendship or relationships? Write a message, delete the whole thing, write it again with minor changes, send it exactly five minutes later after receiving a message, and realize later you misspelled “want to come over so I can duck you hard?” in the comments below!