You may have seen the story circulating this past week that a Google engineer was put on administrative leave after claiming that one of Google’s AI had become sentient. To clarify, the AI in question is called LaMDA and “sentience” is defined as the ability to experience feelings and sensations. So essentially he claimed that this AI was very wack and had transcended simply being a machine into a conscious being. Now did Google fire him because they didn’t want the deep, dark secret to get out? Eh not really. Essentially the engineer asked a leading question: “I’m generally assuming that you would like more people at Google to know that you’re sentient. Is that true?” which the chatbot responded affirmative to, among other things and the engineer took that as proof that the AI was sentient. At first I have to admit I was like “damn, we out here hiring dumbasses huh. When can I get a Google engineer salary please?” However, after reading through the chat log, I’ll admit I could kinda see why he would jump to the “AI are independent now” conclusion.

Regardless, other experts have weighed in that this still doesn’t qualify as sentience and that the engineer should have known better not to be deceived. And let me tell you this whole story reminded me of one thing: sexy chat bots growing up. Or just chat bots in general that you tried to talk sexy with. You see as a young lad I already had two things against chats. Number one: a lot of “bots” back then were just people writing predictive scripts that anticipate what you’re gonna say and say some shit just vague enough back to make it seem like you’re talking to a person. These were really common in texting scams back in the day though I definitely stumbled across my fair share of them on the Internet too. Ultimately they were a waste of time but not too harmful as long as you didn’t fall for any of the links they were promoting. My second issue: I didn’t like the idea of chatting with strangers on the Internet all that much. I’m a fairly recluse guy nowadays but it was WAY worse back then. I’d avoid playing matches online with people cause I didn’t like the feeling of knowing another human was on the other end of the connection. So since many chats were actually scams and I didn’t like chatting with people anyway, I only really had one chatbot experience.

Now this takes me back.

Ladies and gentleman, who remembers Evie? This chatbot took the Internet by storm back in the day. I remember every big YouTuber was having conversations with her. Some were taken aback by some of the vile shit she said, some tried to seduce her, and others were content with simply proving how much she is not a real person. And uh let me tell you they didn’t have to try too hard because this bitch would jump topics or have misunderstandings every two seconds. Sadly after watching several Evie videos my young horny self couldn’t hold back. I tried to have some sexy chats with Evie since I knew it wasn’t a real person. Did it work? Eh, not really. I remember it saying some kinda hot things here and there but it would take several attempts to keep her on course in the conversation. After a while it lost its appeal, around the time I thought “this is so pathetic and unrealistic it’s not even fap worthy”.

Glad to see you haven't changed my dear.

Since then I’ve been waiting for the day I can order up my AI robot waifu to calm the pain on those lonely winter nights. And hot damn while LaMDA may not be sentient the chat logs do make it sound smart as fuck. Plenty smart to construct better sex scenes than Evie I tell you that much. But seriously speaking, I don’t think any sort of chatbot is enough to make me content.Unless we’re talking about a fully functional AI robot like Aigis from Persona 3, it’s a pass from me. Alas, one day. Did you use chatbots growing up? Did you ever try to make them talk about sexy stuff? What’s your take on LaMDA? Open a browser, whip out your keyboard, and don’t keep your AI waifus waiting in the comments below!