The Woke Agenda Made M&M's Less Sexy!

There are few things that show how fast times are changing than advertising mascots. Corporations are listening to the real-life conversations people are having about race, inclusion and social justice, and they respond by getting their marketing teams to sneak a buzzword or two into the next press release or reassess their current image. Mascots that have become cultural touchstones over the past few decades have been changed or gotten rid of entirely in the name of appealing to the type of person that a certain other kind of person may describe as "woke," and then the "anti-woke" people get upset because they spent the last 40 years buying the butter with the Native American girl on it and now it's just not the same somehow.

The next victims in the ongoing culture war are the M&M "spokescandies." Originally used in black-and-white animations in 1954, Red & Yellow debuted their iconic CG forms in 1994. As M&M's product range has expanded, so has its roster of spokescandies. The six "main" ones used since 2012 include the sarcastic Red (a regular M&M), goofy Yellow (peanut M&M) cool Blue (almond M&M) nervous Orange (crispy/pretzel M&M), sexy Green (mint/dark M&M) and level-headed Brown (fudge brownie M&M).

A newly released video from M&M starts with the vaguely uplifting message of "creating a world where everyone feels like they belong," before introducing us to the new and improved spokescandies:

The biggest step toward inclusivity comes not from their new designs, but their improved personalities. Orange is characterized with anxiety because kids love relating to mental disorders these days. Green is less "the sexy one" and instead "better represented to reflect confidence and empowerment, as a strong female, and known for much more than her boots," hence the less sexy footwear.

It's easy to look at something like this and think, 'who the fuck cares?,' but it turns out people all over the internet are getting triggered over the Woke Agenda(tm) making their favorite chocolates political. Louder than most online culture warriors is Fox News' talking head Tucker Carlson, who claims “M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal.” I don't think Mars Inc designed these characters to make poeple want to fuck them, but whatever. Unlike Fucker here I've beaten off to Green hentai before and I will again regardless of the shoes she's wearing.