Online dating is hard. I’ve tried it. I got some matches, but the true suffering happens after that point. Trying to communicate through text has never been a strong suit for me (hey wait a minute), and thus it’s hard to develop a connection through messaging in my experience. I think this is actually somewhat universal though. Without body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, etc. it can be hard to decipher someone’s unique presence. Everyone just ends up boiling down to similar “hey what’s up. I love anime. You do too? That’s awesome! What’s your favorite?” boilerplate conversationalists. But what if there was a way to cut through the trials and tribulations of online dating? There is my friends, thanks to Tinder Select. For the small price of $500, you too can display how desperate you are to your local peers! Sweet!

That’s right, Tinder has recently moved forward with a $500 monthly subscription plan. Sort of. To actually buy the plan, you first have to qualify with a quality profile that meets several standards, and your account has to be very active. And right now it’s very disappointing for me to reveal that they’re already putting a pause on applications. How sad. Fear not my fellow lonely people, for now we can focus on saving up that chunk of change to fork over to Tinder. Let’s dream for a moment and say we WILL get in on the next round of applications. What will that land us? Fantastic features of course. I’m talking about sending someone you didn’t match with a message, up to TWO times a week. Oh yeah, I can feel you soaking in the value already. We also get a special SELECT badge on our profiles so we can show off how desperate we are. I mean how much perseverance we have. It doesn’t stop there. We’ll also see a nice boost in the algorithm and will be matched with other exclusive Tinder profiles in the 1%. Top that off with a dose of “Early Access” for new features where we can QA test shit for Tinder for free and this sounds like the best offer in the dating market today.

No the profile pic has to be of YOU... ah nevermind.

As you may imagine, critics immediately bombarded this plan as being a way to show everyone your dating troubles by paying a huge sum of money monthly to Tinder for minimal benefits in return. Looking over the feature list, I have to agree. I’d be dumbfounded if anyone I knew actually spent the cash for this. What do you think of the Tinder Select plan? Do they think it’s viable at all, or is this a marketing stunt to drum up Tinder’s name back into the news cycle? What’s your experience with online dating? Open your phone, download a dating app, and try not to commit suicide from it in the comments below!