Here we are. We all knew it was coming. You can’t talk about weird items surrounding anime culture for too long without bringing up the infamous body pillow. I’d wager that “body pillow” is the number one item that people think of when thinking of weebs or at least in the top three. Personally I’ve never owned or even felt one. To take it a step further, before writing this article I realized that I didn’t even know where they came from. 

It all started in the late nineties when math was rad and drugs were bad. At the time there was already an existing product called “dakimakura” which is often translated as body pillow in English. It was seen as a security object to bring psychological comfort to the owner. Then in the nineties some marketing genius said “Hey, we make these pillows that people use to comfort themselves, why not slap some BIG ASS TITTIES on that shit? Then it could be psychological AND sexual comfort!”, everyone clapped and cheered and the rest was history. Cospa, a Japanese company closely intertwined with otaku culture, was one of the first to popularize and sell this type of dakimakura and still does so to this day.

Wait a minute, one of these isn't like the others...

I thought that by learning about the origin and history of body pillows, I might come to discover a newfound appreciation for the product and change my negative outlook on them. I was wrong. While I did find it interesting, I don’t think I’d ever buy one. #1 They take up hella space in your bed. I’m already a tall grown man. I’m fighting for every inch of space I can get. When there’s something else that big in the bed (and you know it ain’t a girl with my weeb ass) I feel like I’m constrained and can’t shift around any. #2 They aren’t at all discreet. If you own some lewd anime figures, you can quickly put those in a closet or drawer if you need to have someone in your room/residence that you don’t want seeing them. Man, these pillows are no joke, you aren’t fitting them in a drawer. A closet would work but if you’re like me my closet is pretty stuffed with everything in its place, and an extra huge pillow that I gotta make room for whenever the body pillow requires space would fuck up the whole layout. #3 I already have onaholes. Look, I understand that combining hot anime girls with merchandise can make it sexy. A sex toy? Pfft, whatever. Shit, a sex toy BASED AROUND this character from a hentai? Damn now I gotta see what she feels like! The difference is with onaholes, you can actually “fuck” the inanimate object with anime titties plastered on it. And it even feels good! Plus onaholes are way easier to hide (>_>).

It's a strong argument Obama, but I'm still not convinced.

So far I haven’t found many reasons to like body pillows but it’s probably because I’m missing out on the whole “hug shit to feel good” vibe. Hugging pillows reminds me of my lack of human contact. It brings calamity, not comfort. I’ll be interested to see if you guys have some good points about them to change my mind, or if we’re all passing on body pillows together. Now when someone has the thought “wait a minute, what if we put an onahole IN the pillow?!?” then we’ll talk. Do you own any body pillows? Do you understand their appeal? Tuck yourself in, flip the pillow to the cool side, and dream up a comment below!