To my understanding, fall is a fantastic time for beer lovers as it’s the perfect time for breweries to experiment with a bunch of seasonal ingredient options. I don’t drink beer myself as I literally can’t handle the sting from soda, let alone beer, but I’m happy for those people. Unfortunately for humanity, streamer Amouranth has decided to partner with brewery company The Order of Yoni to go where no brewery has gone before. Actually, I’m lying to your face because The Order of Yoni appears to go here on a regular basis. Oh, by “here” I mean a world where vaginal yeast is used to produce completely legal and drinkable beer for you to purchase and consume.
That’s right, The Order of Yoni is a Polish beer producing company that justifies utilizing vaginal yeast in their beer production process with a ton of text jabbering about Aphrodite, Great Deities, and Hexagrams. They appear to already be familiar with this concept and are currently selling this type of beer with three (admittedly very attractive) models by the names of Patricia, Paulina, and Monika. Amouranth has revealed she is in talks to join this lineup and while there’s no release date confirmed, everything seems to be a go. Something tells me that a special streamer edition is gonna cost you a bit extra there bud. But let’s backup. What exactly is going to happen? I’ll let the company speak for themselves to avoid me fucking up the explanation.
“The gynecologist collects a vaginal smear from the models. These smears are taken to a laboratory where bacteria are isolated, cleaned, then analyzed and multiplied. At the end of the process, the bacteria are used to produce the pure lactic acid that goes into Yoni beer. An essential part of this process is to ensure the safety of our product. During isolation, the material is tested for the absence of other bacteria and viruses. These procedures prevent other bacteria and viruses from surviving, thus allowing the growth of only Lactobacillus bacteria. Once again, in terms of certainty and safety, a final test of the propagated lyophilised bacteria is carried out before use in the preparation of the material. Lyophilized bacteria are tested for the presence of foreign DNA and / or RNA. This ensures that only Lactobacillus bacteria are used, and it is completely safe and healthy.”
Oh, now I get it.
Normally I’d never copy and paste so much text for an article, but god damn I thought it was something you had to read yourself to believe. I don’t plan to ever sip down a beer period, and I’m afraid this booze will be no exception. However, considering Amouranth’s past success with fart jars, sales are expected to be quite high. Lord knows I’ll be tuning in to check on those early order numbers to see how many simps, I mean buyers, are spending money this time around. Are you familiar with Amouranth’s past products? Do you drink beer? Are you planning on trying out a Yoni beer if this comes to fruition? Pop a cap off, get wasted, and drink some yeast in the comments below! It may not be on the house, but it was on the pussy at least.
