Nutaku asked us to take a look at this game, and here’s our opinion.
Psst! PSSt! Guys! It’s me, Imaginary! I hacked Kinky’s account last week, hoping to make a shitpost about how his true favorite anime is Sword Art Online and that he thinks dubs are the only true auditory experience for watching anime. Unfortunately… he found me out and made me do a review for him as punishment. That’s basically slave labor. Then again… maybe this is still Kinky and Imaginary really is a fake friend after all!? To tell you the truth, I wish I wasn’t real so I didn’t have to experience some of the pain that Love Witches brought me. And before anyone says “deN wY dId YOu ReViEw iT” because Kinky made me play this specific piece of shit. I would of been happy playing Kindred Spirits On the Roof, another yuri game on Nutaku that’s actually pretty poppin’, but instead strap in for a shit review of a subpar visual novel.
Love Witches came out fairly recently, earthing itself onto Nutaku’s download section on May 15 of this month. They don’t list the developer or publisher, which is probably for the best. There’s 15 scenes and 3 endings according to their features list and that’s packed into 5 U.S. American dollars. About what you would expect for a 2 hour (ish) game.
Having A Save Button (UI)
This is the first time a game’s deserved having an entire category dedicated to UI. “Why’s that?” you might ask, ignorant of the horrible obstacles I’ve faced while playing this game. First off, when the game starts, that bitch gets going. Title screen? Fuck that, we don’t need those here apparently. You load it up and you’re in. Kinda weird, but forgivable. However, what’s not forgivable is then having no UI left on the screen after that. A save button? Nope. A skip button? Nope. A fucking menu button? I hope your bitch ass has researched and mastered the RenPy engine master controls (F1-F8) and what they do because there’s simply no UI to help you navigate the game.
Art
Okay let’s talk about the shining pinnacle of this game. If it weren’t for the art, this game would be looking at an automatic 1/5 after the whole save button fiasco. But god damn if this shit isn’t pretty! Both of the witches are cute and fuckable, and the way the background art meshes with the character portraits keeps the style consistent. Sometimes I’d stare into the environments and feel peaceful, forgetting about the gigantic struggle it was to sit through the dialogue, or the impending doom I felt not being aware of how to save my progress.
You stupid? Bitch, just shut up and let me focus on that art.
Writing
I won’t waste too many words on the story: a tentacle monster named Dean shows up and wants to fuck two witches. He gets caught and they capture him to use him for ingredients, and then do not use him for ingredients but instead build a connection with this tentacle thing and fuck it, eventually resulting in possible relationships. Typical hentai shit, nothing to really criticize or praise. But then my friends, the dialogue reveals itself. I’m not sure if these girls are supposed to talk like robots because they’re witches or if it was a mistake, but these witches are not people. For example: “Haha! Don’t splash water on me!” “Oh, I will splash water on you!” Haha, no please don’t splash me!” “Haha I’m gonna splash you!” What kind of undercover android shit is that?
The Sex
Another saving grace for this game is the sex scenes, assuming you like descriptive writing. I’m more of a 70% dialogue 30% description man myself, but the people who love 105% description scenes should get a real kick out of the game. They go on for a fair bit which is always nice. I hate when a porn game barely manages to contain more than a minute for big sex scenes. I’m quick, but not that quick developers. Toward the end the scenes focus on tentacles since, well, you’re a tentacle monster. Not my cup of tea, but again that’s fairly subjective so no points off.
This game tried its best to redeem itself with long scenes and pretty artwork, but fuck just getting there was a long and tedious journey. The dialogue is so horrendous that you aren’t even sure if these characters are supposed to be people at times, and there are a fair bit of grammatical issues littered throughout the game (not to mention a few coding ones). And I’ll say it again: how the fuck do you not have a title screen or UI? It’s not like the game is 5 minutes or anything.
There’s no fucking save button; 2/5
Do you have a game on Nutaku you want checked out? (That’s better than this game don’t forget that key detail) Does Kinky endorse slave labor? Do you like being able to load your progress in a game? Tell us your thoughts below!
