A Review of Analistica Academy
By ImJustThatKinky • 1 year ago • 4 comments

Nutaku asked us to look at Analistica Academy, and here's our opinion.

 

Smoke clouds silently shift through the unkempt room. Squinting your eyes and focusing your vision, you can barely make out the figure of a young man in his twenties. You anxiously check your phone’s GPS to make sure you ended up at the right place before daring to utter a word.

“Are you the Anal Inspector?” you ask, clearing your throat.

You bet your ass I am. And I’ve been hired by a very lucrative client to step away from the normie bullshit I covered last time. Fake Lay appears to have left both me and my readers unsatisfied (understandably so). Therefore I’ve taken the liberty as a certified Anal Inspector to stretch my horizons. The honorable search for a refreshing take on anal never stops, and thus I’ll be enrolling in Analistica Academy to investigate firsthand what goes on at this notoriously naughty establishment. Analistica Academy has a clear sexual theme and doesn’t waste time jumping right into some holes (plot or otherwise), so let me ash my cigarette butt and we’ll get started.

This visual novel was plopped down into existence on Nutaku on February 2 of this year after being developed by Epicworks and published by Top Hat Studios. As with most visual novels you should be able to run it on a toaster if need be, and you can expect it to take up about 200Mbs of space. The full game is about 4-6 hours thicc with 12+ H-scenes included, and is listed for $7.99.




I know meeting an Anal Inspector in person is shocking, but please, try to contain yourself. 

 

 

Art/Design

Before I get into the art, I want to comment on the soundtrack. Let me tell you, that shit made my booty clap to the beat at certain points. Generally whenever a “serious” plot point came up, some intense music would begin to remind you it’s go-time. The specific track designated for these events was godlike, and the usual tracks for just being in school weren’t bad or intrusive either.


The art can be a hit or miss for some people. I personally really enjoyed the character designs and portraits. I thought the Booty Squad of girls looked crisp and clean, at least clean enough to consider fucking in the ass that is. On the other hand the backgrounds can look kinda cheap at times. You won’t be saying “Damn, what was the budget for this shit?” like with Galaxy Girls, it’s just there to provide atmosphere. Overall the presentation could use a little work but fuck it man, I’m not here to rag on people’s artwork, I’m here to inspect bitches’ asses and love doing it.


 

 


Damn... Blondie can get it!

Writing

Upon arriving at this Academy, I immediately notice something strange: there was a severe lack of male competition walking around. The main person of interest (or protagonist, if you will) named Hora quickly informed me that in this world, all males were in fact killed by a horrible scientific experiment gone wrong when his father accidentally developed and released a virus intended to make males stronger, but unfortunately ended up killing every male it came into contact with. Hora continues to reveal that since he is one of the few males left in the world, he is hailed by society as a first class citizen and can fuck any ass he wants. However, Hora also warns me that he’s a lead commander in the fight to defend their country and protect peace through the use of powered up mechas. At this point I don’t even know what he’s talking about and ask to inspect some ass, but he keeps fucking going. The blonde girl in the Booty Squad, or as he calls it, the “Holey Trinity” is in fact a robot that was programmed by a lead scientist in another country (or rebellion?) to keep track of his military actions and decisions in order to one day allow for the eventual ruin of his country?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

Okay, timeout. What the fuck? Listen about an hour and half in I realized I have no idea what the fuck is happening anymore. It’s like half of its a porn game, and the other half is a weird shounen dystopia? I don’t know. The plot’s a wild one, but at least the dialogue holds steady. The characters clearly speak with different written voices and none of them sound alike. The MC Hiro can say some dumb shit at times, but it’s usually intended and comedic.



Yikes.... Okay uh actually I'll pass this one off to you, reader. 

 

The Sex

Enough of that other shit, I came in here with only one report to get. I give this game respect for timeliness, because within a few minutes of playing I was already about to fuck one of the classmates, Tony. I won’t lie, I was clenching my own butt a little too when I saw what was happening. The art for the H-scene was looking pretty dank, Tony’s personality seemed hot in a shy way, and there were some nice changes in the art as the dialogue progressed. Feeling confident, I plunged…. Well Hora plunged into that ass at mach speed. And then it happened. I came to the sudden, cold realization that they said “fuck it” to the whole unique dialogue thing. Tony suddenly became the most generic, bland, basic bitch imaginable. “OH YES… fuck me…. Aaaahhh…. So good…. Your dick… soo good…” Like either the dick is so good she had a stroke, or they forgot to insert the character into these sections. Let me put your wandering mind at ease, because you guessed it, when I ran into the next scene with a completely different character, I ended up with the same routine. Maybe they get more personalized later, but that was enough to discourage me from continuing.



Okay uh, maybe we could let the girl talk for a bit?

 



Ah hell nevermind that's even worse...

 

Now you see why I had to take up smoking. You see a big variety of content in my line of work, and you never know what excitements or disappointments await you tomorrow. Overall, Analistica Academy has a clear target audience, fine production, and hot bitches, but wastes its advantages with convoluted plot dumps and by barely mentioning the anal… or anything else in the dialogue during sex (when there is dialogue instead of descriptions). I give this game 3 pregnancies avoided through anal sex out of 5. If you’re not that big on dialogue though, this game could definitely be a 4/5 for you.


If you want to check this game out for yourself, or other downloadable titles on Nutaku then click here. Have a game you want me to review on Nutaku? Let me know below and I just might investigate it for you.