Ayy I'm back. It's Imaginary. Kinky's great great grandma died again for a week. Carry on.

This is one of those articles where you should brace for impact because you know you’re about to read some dumb shit. We’re gathered here today to talk about the sex myths we fell for when we were young and stupid. Whether it be due to a strict religious background, a horrible education system, or our own plain stupidity, let’s share our tales.

Don’t come at me too hard for this, okay? Protective parents are real. So when your boy was first discovering this whole “sex” thing, I was a cautious mind. I didn’t want to ask anybody about it, but at the same time, I didn’t really want to masturbate until I knew full well what it did to my body. What if there were devastating side effects? Was it like a Sharingan? Would using it ultimately make my dick weaker each time? I had to know more.

Thankfully the Internet was here to save the day and fill me up with informative, truthful information. For instance, guys can’t masturbate that often. If you masturbate daily you’re going to end up with a crooked dick. And not that “it’s curved so girls like it” dick either. A horrid 90 degree angle to the right type dick. It’ll be slight at first, but before you realize it, you’ll never be able to fuck someone. Not to mention that you should expect your lifespan to be decreased in half as your heart is worn out quicker. Should of spent that energy reading the Bible, then maybe you’d live to see 40.

Uh yes, actually. Danganronpa really fit this article better than I imagined.

Looking back, I wonder what kind of backwoods, weird portion of the Internet I must of landed in to find such great misinformation. Rest assured my younger self ate it up and tried to limit myself in the sex department. Every few days I’d check in to make sure I’m not going to end up on the news as the modern Crooked Man. That went on for a year or so until I concluded my big dick energy was simply too powerful to succumb to the crookening and stopped caring.

Have you fallen for any sex myths? Have a "friend" that fell for a myth who is definitely not you? Tell me in the comments below!