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Marvel Introduces... Super Pandering!
By WakeUpSnooze • 1 week ago • 48 comments

When’s Mahvel? Well now is mahvel, but it’s not quite what anyone was expecting. Recently Marvel unmasked their new line up of teenage superheroes for an upcoming series “New Warriors” and let’s just say the reactions have been mixed. Mixed as in almost everyone hates these fuckers and there’s been a negative reaction not only from average people online, but also from the communities that Marvel is trying to pander to with these designs. But why? Let’s take a look.

Suit up everyone, there's been a crime.

To begin with the two psychic twins are called Safespace and Snowflake. Now wait, wait a second before you throw up. They explain in an article that a lot of these names are supposed to intentionally take something that is used with a negative connotation to insult the younger generations and make it cool. The problem is that despite that fact, this feels like the most pandering shit I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s one dimensional. It wouldn’t be that much of an issue (well it probably would) if the only pandering thing about this was the naming choices. The official character descriptions make it MUCH worse:

Psychic Twins. “All twins are psychic, but we’re psychic-er.” Snowflake, a cryokinetic, can materialize snowflake-shaped shuriken projectiles for throwing. Safespace can materialize pink forcefields, but he can’t inhabit them himself, the reflex only works if he’s protecting others. They’re hyper aware of modern culture and optics, and they see their Super Heroics as “a post-ironic meditation on using violence to combat bullying.” They're probably streaming this.

Am I retarded? Am I just not smart enough to comprehend what “a post-ironic meditation on using violence to combat bullying” is? Meditation? Super Heroics? Seeing Super Heroics as a meditation on bullying? What the fuck is this description trying to tell me? The only part I understand completely is that they have some basic ass powers and that they’re streamers so they can broadcast their good deeds for some of that sweet sweet Internet clout. Maybe I'm sadly not hyper aware of modern culture and optics so it's going over my head. 

It’s not like the other characters are much better either. The following is the description for the hacker looking guy in the previous picture, Screentime.

A Meme-Obsessed super teen whose brain became connected to the internet after becoming exposed to his grandfather’s “experimental internet gas.” Now he can see augmented reality and real-time maps, and can instantly Google any fact. Does this make him effectively a genius? He sure acts like it does.

Man the older I get the more I appreciate memes less and less. Right now the current train going around is “SIMP!” and so far the pinnacle of its comedic height is people calling other people simps for interacting with women in any fashion. Needless to say, a “meme-obssessed” super teen probably isn’t going to bode well. But the real icing on the cake is that he got his powers thanks to his grandpa’s INTERNET GAS. I also hate to say shit like “this is so unrealistic” when we’re already in a world with superpowers… but Internet gas? It’s simply a lame origin explanation no matter how you look at it.

At the end of the day I don’t care if Marvel wants to make some social commentary, that’s their right to do so, I’m just sad that it feels so absolutely transparent, unnatural, forced, calculated, however you want to say it. “Here guys, here’s your gender neutral characters or whatever, plus a token fat girl, an edgy vampire, and a nerd boy who thinks he’s the smartest shit ever. Can we get your money now everyone?” Do you think this is blatant pandering? Do you see some redeeming aspects of the new characters? Be a hero and leave a comment below!