You probably can’t go through life without seeing an advertisement for viagra or some other supplement to help you get hard as quickly as possible. As we age it grows harder and harder (to stay ready for sex, not your penis). When you’re a younger, anime loving individual however, you are often faced with a different problem. “Fuck! Big Sis is coming! I’ve got to get rid of this boner ASAP!” Or perhaps you’re chilling at your workplace when suddenly you can’t help but remember that hot ass coloured doujin you read last night. You can’t give a presentation looking like that, you’ve got to kill that boner! Thankfully, I was recently inspired to share my tactics as well as open up the comments section to you guys so this article can spread the good word and give us guys a variety of strategies to use to get soft FAST.
*Please note these are tips for emergencies and may be unpleasant. But I use them anyway.
1. Flex your thigh muscles
It’s an old spell, but quite unbreakable. I’m no doctor but your penis needs blood to expand and get ready for action. By working those thigh muscles a little by tightening and loosening rapidly, maybe popping a squat if you can sneak into a restroom, they’ll draw blood away from your donger naturally. This is a pretty good method but may be a bit obvious unless you’re good at concealing your flexing. Works best when your legs are completely covered. by your clothes.
Pretending to flex your arms to fool those around you is also a good idea.
2. Recall traumatic memories
Listen I’m trying to get you soft FAST okay, none of this “think of your parents in their underwear” bullshit. Nothing makes a man softer than recalling the time he slipped right in the smack dab middle of the gym floor in third grade in front of the entire school and became the laughingstock of the class for the rest of the year. Or really, the countless amount of encounters he had and failed to take advantage of with girls due to his social ineptitude. “But I’m too cool Snooze, I don’t have traumatic memories” then think of whatever makes you insecure or sad. You’re poor, you’re ugly, whatever it may be. If that doesn’t work, maybe consider why you aren’t sad or insecure about anything and consider you may be emotionally detached or simply avoiding. That oughta get ya soft.
Don't worry, tears means the technique is working.
3. Cause yourself physical pain
Okay maybe you’re completely happy in life. You have perfected everything and have no insecurities or anything to think about to kill your boner. You also are incapable of basic exercise and can’t flex your thigh muscles for some reason. It's the last resort time. Whip out those fingers and start pinching. Don’t stop till you’re at least a bit red baby. Maybe blood will come out, maybe it won’t, but unless you are a masochist this should completely slay your monster dong once and for all. If you’re in a private place for a little while like a restroom you can try slapping yourself. Just don’t I repeat DON’T use this one if you regularly engage in BDSM play because it’ll probably be like an UNO Reverse card.
Holy shit chill I said PINCH not cut!
As mentioned previously my tips here are for emergencies and should be used sparingly (mostly the latter two). I wanted to make sure I left room for you guys to discuss your own tips below! Hopefully some more relaxed ones as I’m a bit short-handed in that department. Did any of these tips help you? What do you do to get soft? Banish your boner and leave a comment below!
