Doujins.com was asked to review this game, however I was not compensated by the asker and all opinions are my own.
*click click* … *click click* Oh hey, didn’t see ya there. Sorry I was just working on expanding my Empire of Cunts to be the biggest in the world. That’s right, after a several month hiatus I’ve finally been asked to review a porn game again. And boy does it feel good to be back in the saddle. This time I was asked to investigate Cunt Empire, a free browser clicker game. Rough start, I know. Browser clickers are usually Satan’s personally developed games that manage to redefine what a “shit game” is. But to my surprise this game had an interesting concept in store...
Production
The art has that “classic” realistic style that you see in browser clickers all the time. Personally I’m more of an anime style man myself (in case you couldn’t tell) but I still thought some of the girls were drawn pretty hot. That’s a big point because most of the time clicker game art looks like it was drawn by an unpaid slave in a basement somewhere. Completely flat and lifeless. What I’m trying to say is I wanted to stick my dick in these girls despite it being an art style that I’m not traditionally fond of and that’s gotta count for something. The game does have music but you know, not Mozart or anything. After a while I put it on mute so I could concentrate. You probably won’t be trying to track down a Vinyl copy of the soundtrack to keep forever.
Ah, I see we're abiding by Loli rules. Carry on.
Gameplay
This section is called gameplay for a reason, the story is certainly nothing to write home about. Basically you’re a hot dude who got fired from your porn job for fucking the producer’s wife, and you now have to set out with your partner in crime Little Caprice to build an empire of cunts and get rich. Rather than most clickers where you just go and go and go and try to unlock stuff, the game is separated into levels. You complete a level by completing a bunch of subtasks, and once you do you move on to the next one with one catch: all your shit has been reset back to zero. We have a mystery on our hands, fuckers. In other words the gameplay consists of building up your empire, having it torn down, and then building it back up even bigger and even faster as some bonuses do carry over. Other than that the main gameplay revolves around managing your time and resources to make the most money. You can also click on girls to speed up how fast they earn money for you. Overall it’s some simple stuff, but the resources and layout were very easy to understand which can’t be said for all the clicker games I’ve played in the past.
565 Billion off porn videos? Maybe I need to change careers.
The Sex
Ah yes, the category that dominates against all others. Hold the fucking phone we’ve got a revolutionary concept on our hands here. You see, when you beat a level you unlock a short porn video… with a real life actor that’s based on one of the girls you’ve unlocked in-game to recruit for your porn empire. Well, actually it might be the other way around that the in-game characters are based on real life actors as the audio in the videos seems like it’s dubbed over to me though I don’t have proof. On the bright side though you can unlock some videos very quickly after beginning to play. I believe I was up to three in like 20 minutes, perhaps less. The point is, I’ve never seen this type of shit. Trying to synchronize your realistically drawn characters in the game with real life porn actors? Genius. Most of the time rewards like sex scenes can feel pretty underwhelming in clicker games because you don’t spend any time to learn or care about the girls. It’s not like the game’s writing magically improves during sex either. I don’t want to work hard so I can read “mmm mm yes fuck me yesss”. However, here since you unlock full videos I’m like oh shit I hired that girl for my empire, and here she is getting fucked. That’s neato! I’m jacking off to the same thing my imaginary customers are! I think the further they can push this concept the better because it makes the rewards in other clicker games seem weak as hell.
Wait a second, it's THE Caprice! The one I unlocked!
TL;DR A weak story and basic gameplay are nothing new to the browser clicker genre, but basing your in-game characters on porn actors certainly is. It’s this revolutionary concept mixed with the price tag of $0 that make this an easy 4/5 for me
Have seen a porn game do something like this before? Are browser clickers a good time killer? Will you be checking out Cunt Empire? Let me know in the comments below!
