OK... so the 50 Shades of Grey craze had settled down, and it brought to the world a strange demand of the kinky stuffs. No, we would not be talking about 50 Shades nor Sasha Grey, but we would be talking about that shady fetish; BDSM.
There are a lot of doujins and hentai that features this kink and it is understandable that people could get... curious when seeing it for the first time. Chains and whips, leather and rubber, ropes and toys, it all looks so horribly wild and fantastic (some in a good way and some in bad, bad ways). However, how much do we know about this kinky fetish?
Let's look at some of the things about BDSM and let's compare it to the doujins and hentai we read and watch.
The name
At first, I thought BDSM means BonDage Sadist and Masochist but after reading a bit, I learned that BDSM is an overlapping abbreviation of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadism and Masochism (SM). Hey, at least I got some of it right!
These Bakuman ladies are having a great time in this hardcore doujin created by Hakaba.
It's not inherently wrong
Oh boy, this one's a tough one.
One of the most common misconceptions of people regarding BDSM is that it emerges, or is a product of abuse and violence, and that enjoying BDSM is synonymous to enjoying abuse and violence. There was this claim that BDSM's SM part, or sadomasochism, is a paraphilic disorder. Franklin Veaux had a very good answer for that. He said that:
" Sexual sadomasochism is a paraphilic disorder when it is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupation, or other important areas of functioning. That qualifier is important. Happy, healthy, well-adjusted people who are not impaired by sexual sadomasochism are not exhibiting a disorder."
Therefore, as long as you live a healthy lifestyle and don't hurt anyone (without their consent that is) then liking BDSM is completely normal and there is nothing wrong with it.
Anyone can say NO
BDSM is not rape. It's as simple as that.
This doesn't seem to be the case in a lot of hentai doujins, though.
They have titles
Do you know that BDSM encounters are called "scenes," and it doesn't always involve sex? The term was used long ago, when those with the BDSM kink had to go to brothels to hire a professional to fulfill their fantasy, or go to a BDSM club.
There are also titles a person had when it comes to BDSM. There are the dominants and the submissives or more informally, the tops and the bottoms (not to be confused with the semes and the ukes, those are a bit different). The tops are the sadist, the one who enjoys inflicting pain or dominating others while the bottoms are the masochists, the one who enjoys the pain.
BDSM meet-ups venue can also be called "dungeons" (may or may not be an actual dungeon).
It has a wide range
When the word BDSM is mentioned, the things that comes to my mind are ropes and gags, spanking, leather masks, nipple clamp, etc. However, it's not all chains and whips, leather and latex; BDSM is actually very broad and somewhat flexible. There are a lot of things within the realm of BDSM. Some people go for "sensual dominance," where some tools or toys are involved but usually painless.
BDSMers can also be either monogamous or polygamous, although a lot of them are in a monogamous relationship. BDSM doesn't really follow any pattern, and there is no one pattern a BDSM relationship can be.
It involves a lot of reading
You think that this kink is relatively easy? Think again. Some of the tools used in BDSM are downright dangerous if handled poorly. There are proper techniques in tying someone up with a rope. Proper training is needed to use a whip safely. Melted wax is extremely dangerous if poured on the wrong place.
With this in mind, there are some books regarding this subject. Books like SM 101, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, The New Topping Book, and the New Bottoming Book exists to teach people with a curiosity about BDSM.
Heck, there are even classes, conferences, and meet-ups with BDSM as subjects. They teach specific techniques and safety. They also have their own social media site! (It's FetLife.com for those of you who are curious.)
Safe words and safety first
This one is something that some people don't believe to be true because it sounded... silly and cheesy. However, this is the norm! (At least, in BDSM community.) I... uh... don't really know much about this so you can read more about safe words here.
And, as the crazy Russian hacker said, "Safety is number one priority." The BDSM community really gave a lot of effort to safety by having a "dungeon monitor," (Hehe... DM). They're the ones who kick people out when they don't play safely. Ignore your partner's safe word, BAM! You're out. Using the whip incorrectly, BAM! You're out. BDSM follow the acronym SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) as one of the most common pillars of their practices.
Prep time involved
This isn't something as spontaneous as Hollywood and doujins make it seem. People who actually do these stuffs are very, very cautious about it. They must be in the right place at the right time with the right tools and equipments and following a strict rule for safety purposes.
There's also a lot of talking involved. Asking for your partner's interest and curiosity to further satisfy them, asking for anything that each partner hate, deepening each other's trust... stuffs that builds a good relationship as a BDSMer.
Prep time is important to avoid these type of problems!
Aftercare is also involved
After a "scene" has ended, there's the pillow talk. Since BDSM is an incredibly intense sensual and emotional experience, many people with experience of the matter suggest a "wrap-up" stage. Partners can discuss the scene that had happened; ask for some stuff to improve upon, or ask for any reaction to a given situation. People are sometimes, if not most of the time, extremely vulnerable during aftercare. It could be a strong bonding experience between partners.
In the end, the BDSM depicted in porn and hentai are really different from the real thing. I think this is mostly due to the fact that authors either lack the necessary information, or choose to ignore some of the facts regarding BDSM for artistic and storytelling purposes. In the end, the BDSM works you've read would leave an impression; be it big or small, and to some, might interest them a little into BDSM. What are your thoughts about
What are your thoughts about BDSM? Do you have any suggestions and recommendation? Please tell us about it in the comments below. Thank you for reading!
P.S.
You can click on the images to read them.
